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Archive for the ‘Random Thoughts’ Category

Girly Girl’s Lament

This may look long, but I know you read fast.

I’m predisposed to happy.  I go with the flow.  Maybe a little drama for humor’s sake, but I truly am a contented, happy person.  So when a smoke alarm started beeping due to a low battery I was just mildy annoyed b/c was 6:30 on a Saturday morning.  

I staggered downstairs to the kitchen; but the beeping was not coming from the kitchen.  It was coming from the downstairs bedroom.  I walked in the room looking for the alarm I never knew was there.  I slowly crained my eyes up, further and further only to see the flashing light at the very top of my 18 ft high cathedral ceiling.

Because smoke at 8 or 10 feet isn’t a concern?  We have to wait for it to waft up to the rafters of a two story home before it is “alarming”???!!!

I started processing my options. My ladder barely allows me to change the lightbulbs in the ceiling fan; so that won’t work.  It’s too early to call anyone for help.  I couldn’t shut the door to the bedroom because Chloe’s litter box is in the bathroom of that bedroom (did you get that?). Might as well go back to bed.  I pulled the door closed just enough for Chloe to get through it then went back to my room upstairs; shut my door and pulled a pillow over my head. 

I could still hear the beeping. 

I turned the radio on hoping music would drown out the noise. 

Found myself humming along so I switched to talk radio and well, was asleep in no time.

(Random conclusion; If my professors had sang their lectures, my grades would have been much better.)

I digress.

I got back up at the planned time and put the word out for an extension ladder and a friend w/ no fear of heights.   One of my friends came over with her ladder and my (tall) neighbor came over to help.  He reached the alarm but he couldn’t get it apart to remove the battery.  After struggling with it for a while I thanked him and let him go.  At least the beeping had finally stopped for some reason; so we decided to let it go.

Oh, alas, but it had NOT!

The beeping returned around 1:30am Sunday.  By now I was cursing the builder’s name and seriously considering calling him on the phone to share the joyous music with him. I resisted by reminding myself he probably owned a gun and obviously knew where I lived.  So I just turned the radio back on and grabbed the extra pillow.

By the time I left for church I was having Prozac cravings.  After lunch I stopped by the Fire Department.  I do NOT like being the ‘damsel in distress’ but I was desperate.  After a few questions as to the layout of the house, they decided they could come over with a ladder and help.  I figured they’d throw a ladder in the back of one of their trucks and drive on down.

Oooohhh NOOOOO.  My eyes were big as saucers when I saw BIG RED in my rear view mirror.  

Dear Lord, can that thing even fit on our little road?

I’ll have you know….yes, yes it can.

3 firemen (for my single friends, let me clarify; 2 were older than my Dad and the 3rd was married.  So you can drop those hopeful, raised eyebrows.) anyway, the 3 firemen came in with a 24ft ladder (by now I’m taking not-so-discreet photos with my phone camera.  I’m cracking up at the big production.  They were able to fix it with little trouble. And not so subtly told me they liked sweets.  (I’ll be taking desert down to the heroes of Ladder 28 this week.)

Feeling relieved and a little giddy I decided to pick up a screen door for the patio so I could take advantage of the beautiful cool breezes on this lovely Sunday afternoon.

Bought the door, confirmed installation procedures w/ the Home Depot guy and drove home. 

According to the directions only a Phillip’s head screwdriver was needed.  However, a phillips head, a flat head, a knife,  2 spoons (don’t ask) and one hour later, that dang door isn’t sliding. 

It is at this precise moment I start to cry.  I’m refusing to call my Dad b/c I want him to know he’s more than a handyman to me.  I don’t want to keep using him for stuff like this.  And even though I know he’d come over as soon as he could; it’s time for me to do things myself.

Then it begins; wrestling with God.

“If I had a man in my life, this wouldn’t be a problem!  I’d have someone to help me!  A partner that’s SUPPOSED to help me with things like this.”  

“If you’re going to keep me single forever, you’re going to have to equip me a little more!”

“Ok, I’ve got this independent thing down for the most part.  Now do your part and show me how to fix this stupid door!”  

The internal war ensues.  The struggle to be an independent single woman because of my pride and there’s no other choice vs. the option NOT to be.  It would be nice to have the option of being a woman in need.  I wonder what’s it like to have someone say “Honey, let me help you with that”? 

Don’t get me wrong; I know marriage is NOT about what the other person can do for you.  Just allow me this weak, sleep-deprived moment of raw honesty.  Most days, I will tell you there are certainly worse things than being single. 

But the truth is somedays it stinks.  

I should have seen this pity party coming.  The enemy loves to come in after a spiritual high.  I was just thanking God for the opportunity to minister to some hurting girl friends. Encouraging them in their journey, telling them they are valuable, priceless women simply because they are God’s creation. Their value isn’t based on what they do or don’t do; whether or not they are in a relationship or are good at being in one.  

Nor is it based on their ability to reach 18ft high smoke alarms or installing screen doors. 

God is good.  It’s nice to know I’m not alone. 

I know I’m not alone b/c of the sudden scratching noises in my attic. 

Guess I’ll call Critter Control in the morning.

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I watched her wipe her tears as she struggled to decide which bachelor to send home.  Warnings of a particular young man had risen several times, but she had no choice but to ‘follow her heart’ and keep him around.

How many times have we heard that timeles bit of “wisdom?”  How often have we quoted it to a dear friend at a crossroad or even used it to justify our own actions inspite of the warning signs presented to us? 

But hang around long enough and you’ll see the tragic results of practicing such nonsense. When the relationship falls apart, when we can’t pay the bills, when the collateral damage piles around our feet, do we then say…”well, at least I followed my heart”? 

What we should be asking ourselves is ‘”at what point did my brain disengage? ” 

Why are we surprised by the consequences of leaving common sense behind?

We women should be especially cautious.  Know thyself, girlfriend!  We are emotional, fickle and at times a little flakey.  It’s an aspect of our sex that can be charming.  But more often than not, it reaps consequences for which we didn’t plan (and OHHHH how we do plan!)

God has warned us in His Word, “the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked, who can know it?”  And think about it, how often have we said the words “what was I thinking?”, “why did I buy this outfit?” ‘” why did I go out with them?” “why did I agree to organize this party?”  You can fill in your own blanks here.

We are human; fallen creatures born with natural selfish tendencies that can justify…well… just about anything.  But we don’t have to live that way.  We can choose to live wisely.  Admit what we would LIKE to do and then set it aside long enough to ask God for wisdom. 

There are a few guidelines I try to live by when faced with making a decision. They’re not original to me but I can’t really remember where I got the information.  Nevertheless, it’s good stuff.

Never make a decision when you are: Hungry, Tired, Lonely, PMS-ing, Mad or Depressed. 

You are NOT at your best during any of these times.  Bad choices often come from moments of desperation and attempts to fill a void.

Speaking of time; it is your friend.  Perhaps you were given a specified amount of time to make a decision.  Think about the perameters given to you.  Is it a reasonable amount of time? Ask for more, if possible.  Is the pressure you’re feeling truly coming from an outside source, or your own impatience?  How big of a role are your emotions playing in this?

Lastly, check your motives.   This statement speaks for itself.  It requires us to be brutally honest with ourselves.  God already knows our motives.  It’s we mere humans, that prefer “blissful ignorance.”  But getting to that point of truth gets us closer making right choices that affect not only ourselves but those around us.

So follow my heart?  Hmmmm, not so fast.  Let me check in with common sense and the God Who Loves Me FIRST!

Just a few thoughts from my journey so far….

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What’s so great about a job at Kirklands

10.  I’m employed!

9.  My evenings and nights are my own again.

8.  8-10 minute commute.  Oh yeah.

7.  A Commute that goes against the heavy rush hour traffic.

6.  Two words: Sample Sale!

5.  Checks where my name only appears once.

4.  Friday is Jeans Day!

3.  Beautiful Home Decor items all over the place.

2.  The distance from my Car to my Desk = about 40 feet. (That one is for my LifeWay friends.)

1.  Did I mention Sample Sale?

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I have Oreck Elbow.

Yep.   All the nightly vaccuming (with the Oreck XL industrial machine) at Kirklands has got the ole joint talking back to me, reminding me I’m not 16 anymore. 

Who knew a home decor store could be such a work out?  But I am liking it.  It comes in handy this time of year with the extra food and sweets around.  I can eat my weight in sugar knowing I’m going to walk/lift/stretch/reach and vaccum it off later that night.

You see, I don’t do ‘the gym’.  There’s just something intensely vile about paying someone else to torture you.  I am certain somewhere in the Bible it says it is just a flat out sin and missuse of God’s money. 

So of course, I stay away.

However, Kirklands is paying ME to be there.  So if I get a little bit of a workout while I’m there – at least 10% of is going back to God.

Yesterday, I noticed my living room floor was in need of a cleaning.  So I got out the vaccum cleaner.  I leaned over to grab the cord to plug it up. 

It wasn’t there. 

I paused, wondering, “where did it go?”

Then it hit me.  It’s on the SIDE of the machine.  Not the BACK of it.

Not the BACK of the machine like the vaccum cleaner at Kirklands. 

What does this mean? 

Kirkland’s carpet gets vaccumed every night.

My floors at home…well….they do not.

Because I have Oreck Elbow.

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Hey there internetikins!  So I’m not blogging….at all. So sorry.  But I’d rather not blog at all than take up space with dull drivel.

In actuality life’s not really dull right now.  Due to some unforseen DRAMA with the new Laptop, make that the SECOND NEW LAPTOP IN 2 MONTHS, I am typing on a computer….in the Public Library.  A place I’ve not darkened the doors of since High School. Except to vote.  

Just being here I can feel my blood pressure rising, my self-esteem dropping, my face breaking out, I have the strongest urge to constantly reapply some really shiny lipgloss and is that Madonna’s Crazy for You I am humming?

ANYWAY, my point is that Oh My Soul is going ‘Dark’ to borrow a term from Broadway.  It seems it will take 2 full weeks to replace my lovely ‘mosaic-styled’ screen with one you can actually read.

I inquired as to what could have possibly caused the screen to crack while sitting perfectly still overnight.  They assumed it was ‘the cold.’

Yeah, right.  Anyone who knows this tropic-blooded Southern girl knows my house isn’t going to drop a smidgen under 70. 

Puhlease.  

Next on the to do list: Investigate Laptop Lemon Laws.

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Yep, it’s up!  A little post-007 adrenaline in my system and this was up in 15 minutes. 

Ok.  Not really.  But it was a record, I’m sure. 

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I’m smack dab in the middle of that lovely life-lesson called “You’re not in control of things so just let it go.”   I suppose this is my little rebellion.  The one thing I can control.   When my tree goes up. 

So, what are you NOT in control of right now?

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I am sooo sorry.  So sorry that I’ve just not had anything exciting to write about.  Nothing too funny, spiritual, or even mildly amusing to my closest of friends, etc.  There’s just an uneventful routine going on right now.  Nothing to write home about, as they say.

Like right now. 

I really need to take another bag of garbage out to the bin on the sidewalk because today is trash day.

But it’s cold.

And I look reeeally scary right now.  And it’s not exactly a Halloween Costume.  My sweatshirt has bleach stains on it, my hair is a nappy, hot mess piled on top of my head.  And, oh my soul, people with bangs….who also sleep on their face….wake up looking especially frightening in the morning.

But I’m too lazy and cold to make any adjustments to myself just to go to the sidewalk.

See? See what I mean?  Not exactly the Days of Our Lives around here. For which I am quite thankful.  I mean who wants 35 years of Victor Kiriakas, the Dimeras, demon possession, who’s the daddy and who’s the mama? 

Oh the travesties!

So there you have it.  We’ll just say this is re-run season.  I think some of the postings from this Summer may be more interesting.  Feel free to browse around.

Maybe if I carry a large plastic pumpkin with a black handle on it, the neighbors will think this is my costume…hmmm.

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